25th December 2012:
So many things in life happen, this december it happened. It’s more than a month and I work for an advertising agency with people I can learn from.
Went through this somebody’s tweets. Her sister passed away just recently. It’s heartbreaking, heart wrenching. I can’t manage keeping the insides intact. Oh, these eyes just wouldn’t stop how they feel.
I’d therefore, be writing this here for you, Mariya. If I’m moving to other levels anytime soon. If you can’t see me around but oh! you would know I’d be there. Always. I’d be there at your graduation ceremony, even if my physical self is not. I will always be there. I promise. You’ll just have to be strong for mum and you, yourself. I’d be there to ask crazy questions in your mind all the time. I promise. But you! promise me something, if there’s anybody who’s travelling to these levels first, it’ll NOT be you. Please oh please? You’re the younger one anyway! Why should you not work and earn and love and get up early in the morning when I did all of it, hmph! So yes! I HAVE a point. It’s not going to be YOU, do you understand?
You have been a companion throughout. You’re my BETTERhalf. You’re love, the first probably. Of course, mum and dad being the first ones too but since you don’t qualify for being the ‘second’ one so yeah! Hello! I know I don’t make sense with this! Don’t glare!
Stop it, eyes! Stop with the oh-so-ever-emotional-fluid you’re always bothering me with!
So, what exactly should I be talking about when it’s YOU? There’s so much, SO MUCH! My heart will just explode. with love. Whoops! The territory just survived a massive Tsunami. Wind. water. Love. kinda! Ha! I know I’m so good at humour that it doesn’t make any sense =D!
Wonder how I could ever live without you, without looking at your pretty face who’s always ready to scream and gimme a heart attack, haha!. Without asking a million senseless questions, without having to listen to your stories after school, college or university?
Not that I love mum less but this girl’s tweet was so saddening, scared the hell outta me.
How can I ever live without you, anyway? Yeah. The same question. Again and again. Without fighting, asking you the correct use of grammar, without your opinions when choosing a new dress or a new bag! My love for you connects us via blood. Isn’t THAT magical? You think, what I think. You do how I expect you to.
It’d break me. Bit by bit. I love you more than words can express. I’m going to be the first one joining family up there. NOT you! What I feel is beyond words.
After awhile you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn’t mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises.
And you begin to accept your defeats with you head up and your eyes open.
With the grace of maturity, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads on
Today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure…
That you really are strong
And that you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn and learn ….
With every goodbye you learn.
-Veronica A. Shoftstall